Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Incest Survivors

Saturday, September 27, 2008

"This Is How It Feels To Be Free" by Phillips, Craig and Dean

Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir "This Is How It Feels To Be Free"
Praise Ye The Lord.
What a wonderfull thing it is to be FREE!!
Thankyou Jesus. In You are ALL Blessings!
Lord Jesus, You are sooooo WORTHY to be PRAISED!
Bless Your Name.


There is a wall that has been standing, since the day that Adam fell.
Sin is where it started, sin is why it held.
Speaking as a prisoner, who was there and lived to tell, I remember how it felt.

I could here the sound of freedom, like a distant voice it called.
And beckoned me to follow, where I had never gone.
Though my heart was willing, I just stood there at the wall.
Praying somehow it would fall.

But in a cross I found a doorway, and a hand that held a keys.
When the chains fell at my feet, for the first time I could see.

This is how it feels to be free, this is what it means to know that, I AM FORGIVEN!
This is how it feels to be free, to see that life can be more than I imagined.
This is how it feels to be free yeeeaah.
This is how it feels to be free yeeeaah.


There are days when I'm reminded of the prison I was in.
Like a living nightmare, burning deep within.
I can feel the voice of evil, I can hear the call of sin, but I won't go back again.

See once I tasted freedom, and the chains could bind no more.
Mercy gave me wings to fly, like an eagle I can soar.

This is how it feels to be free, this is what it means to know that, I AM FORGIVEN!
This is how it feels to be free, to see that life can be more than I imagined.
This is how it feels to be free yeeeaah.
This is how it feels to be free yeeeaah.


Somewhere there's a prison where the chain still bind.
There but for the Grace of God, those walls could still be mine.
So for all the captives I say!!!!

This is how it feels to be free, this is what it means to know that I AM FORGIVEN!
This is how it feels to be free, to see that life can be more than I imagined.
This is how it feels to be free yeah.
This is how it feels to be free.
This is what it means to know that I AM FORGIVEN!
This is how it feels to be free, to see that life can be more than I imagined.
This is how it feels to be free yeah.
This is how it feels to be free, yeah.
This is how it feels to be free, yeah.
This is how it feels to be free.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Writing from the soul...

Over the past several years I've wanted to begin writing about my past in hopes that I could get "my story" out so it might be of help to someone else who may be struggling with the same events I encountered growing up, especially the younger generation. When I picked up a book titled..."Writing for the Soul" I knew it was time to start.

"In Writing for the Soul, best-selling author Jerry B. Jenkins takes you on a personal and inspiring journey, imparting experience and wisdom gained from his impressive writing career. Unknown in his early days, Jenkins persisted in his passion to write, and his story reveals the rewards that can come to writers who put in the hard work and keep their priorities straight. Jenkins shares the honest and straightforward truth about how to find writing success and why the journey is a continuous one."

I'll be sharing bits and pieces of my childhood that will reflect the more painful side only because these are the experiences that I feel are most important to the audience I'm wanting to direct. I'm a person who tends to be optimistic and look at the "brighter" side of things. I feel in order for me to bring closure and positive significance to the unfortunate and tragic events that happened early on in my life, I need to reach out to those who are young and make them aware of just how vulnerable they are to society and even more, to those closest to them.

My tragic journey of unfortunate events begins at an early age, somewhere around the age of 6. The image of me crammed between the side of my twin bed and wall have forever left their mark imbedded in a memory I can't shake. I mentioned earlier that I will be sharing "bits and pieces", (I mean this literally) due to the many years of blocking out years of abuse (verbal and sexual). I've learned this, among many other pieces to the unfolding of my character and emotional scaring, through therapy and counseling. The severity of the abuse took a heavy toll on my memory bank...in some ways I would like to think of it as a blessing in disguise, but then again, it would make telling my story all the more easier. However, I'm going to do the best that I can to support the details of this unfortunate and emotional journey through time.

Monday, September 22, 2008

We Shall Be Free




God Bless America!

The River





I sang this song during a talent show several years back in front of the entire school where I work and support kids with learning disabilities as well as a motivational coach for young teens. I believe that it's extremely crucial to reach out to the younger generation and express the importance of having dreams and being the best you can be!


The River
Written by: Garth Brooks, Victoria Shaw


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores.. and

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide.. yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

And there's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all.. yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

Sunday, September 21, 2008

"Grandpa"





Dedicated to my own "grandpas'" who never made it long enough in this lifetime to ask...'tell me 'bout the good old days' - love you all so much and can't wait to see you again in the BIG house. Muah, love you bunches!!! Your Grand daughter, Christine ;)

The Christine Smith Story (written by a colleague back in 2002)

The Christine Smith Story...
"I knew she was a cheerleader the first time I saw her. Energy radiated from her almost as much as her youthful beauty. Getting the entire Covington Middle School staff to cheer the school song was a challenge, and I waited to see if she was up for it.

A few weeks later she was sitting at my desk and I quickly realized that she was much more than a pretty cheerleader. Christine Smith was a fighter. Not the type that most would imagine with red trunks and bulky gloves, but the type that survives. That lives through misery and then rises above it. The type that can conquer just about anything.

Christine is a challenge to anyone who has suffered pain and been defeated by it. She says, ‘I wanted to rise above it and have a better life.' And she has done this by being positive, nurturing her spiritual side and learning through other's mistakes. She strives to take care of herself by exercising and staying in shape.

Christine's hard work and great attitude have allowed her to create a fulfilling life for herself. She is happily married and a mother to three children ages 8, 10, and 12. Finding a balance in her life is a struggle, as she wants to encourage and support all the people in her life. She picks her battles with the people she loves so that the time she spends with them is quality, stays very organized, and finds special ways to let her family and friends know she cares.

I would never have guessed that Christine is a paraeducator, coach, wife, and mother of three when I first saw her. Her attitude has kept her looking very young and she radiates self-confidence and happiness. Even more surprising was the strength this woman has shown by overcoming personal tragedy to be the ‘class act' she is today!"



Thank you so much Melinda for listening and putting it all into words~

Monday, September 15, 2008

"Damaged" by Plumb

"Damaged" by

I can also relate to this song...being a victim to incest from around the early age of 6 well into my teenage years and then being raped when I was 16 by a family aquaintance - I truly can say, this could be a song that would pretty much sum up my adolescent years. But as the song repeats, so do I - "I must go on..."

"Damaged"
By Plumb

Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Won't let anyone get close to me
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

There's only for my soul
And undo this fear
Forgiveness for a man
Who was stronger
I was just a little girl
But I can't look back

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back..
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on....

"A Child Is Born" by Barbra Streisand




Due to my interest of learning about my past and bringing it to life now, I thought I would make it fun by telling it through lyrics taken from my era. Also, I thought it would be even better to bring you along to join in the fun as well!! In doing so, please share - this is just another way to learn about each other and become closer as children of the 70's!! How would you sum up your childhood years or pick a favorite and share - go ahead, I dare ya!!!

ME, I'm a person who likes to start from the beginning, so I'd like to start with the year I was born. I matched it up with Barbar Streisand's - "A Child Is Born". I felt it was most fitting to what my parents were feeling at the time of my birth. I followed two son's, which my mother was extremely excited to find she had finally given birth to a baby girl!! My mother grew up playing with baby dolls (favorite one was named, Christine) and since then had dreamed of having a baby girl to name, what else but, Christine!

A Child Is Born
A child is born
We've suddenly stepped through
A thousand dolls
A child is born
Her chin is like mine
But her eyes are yours
How perfectly formed are her fingers
So far reach, so much to know
What words will be formed by her fingers
We'll hold her close
Then let her go
How sweet to find
A part of ourselves
We knew nothing of
A child is born
A child that is born of our love